I Am A Giant Cow

That is why I will work my entire life to become thin again

Do you still love me? 8:39 AM

So.

I know I have been gone for so long, this whole world-inside-a-world has probably changed.

I have been away trying to lead a normal healthy life.....

that's bullshit. I've been trying to act like I'm leading a normal life.

I have maintained my weight right around 123. I need to lose, so I'm back.

I've been eating like shit lately, so I desperately need to get that accountability back.

So far today: 1/2 clif bar - ugh, so many calories - 175

Here's the low-down. I moved in with my boyfriend. We have been on cloud nine, deciding where everything goes, having sex, hanging up pictures of us together, having sex, buying new furniture, having sex....you get the idea.

I have been so wrapped up in our little world together that I have been nothing but agreeable. If he wants to order pizza, I'll eat it and like it. You know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't feel bad about it. I ate like shit, and I did it to keep the moment. I didn't want to taint this little love bubble we've been in with my ocd calorie counting, analyzing, SHIT. And you know what.....

IT FELT GOOD.

For the first time in a long time, I've been so incredibly happy. I'm so thankful that I haven't gained any weight....but now reality is setting in...and I'm realizing that I'm still not happy with the body I have....the honeymoon stage is slowing.

So, I hope you all won't be too angry with me for just up and leaving you all, but I had to do it......for my sanity. I also hope you will help me get back on track.

Thanks for listening....much love.

BTW - Tulip - if you read this, I can't get into your blog anymore :(

7 comments:

MyNameIsMellon said...

Well I'm just glad that you're happy. Thats what really matters. Even when the honey moon stage is finally up, concentrate on maintaining your happiness, ok. =)

Savory Sweet said...

I'm so happy that you're experiencing such domestic bliss! Sounds like the best feeling in the world. Hang on to it :)

That being said, I'm glad you're back, if this is what you want to do. Missed you! But if you ever decide this isn't worth it, I'll be sad that you're gone, but I'll be very happy that you're happy!! haha.

Rachel B said...

I remember those feelings when I moved in with my boyfriend too - it's wonderful isn't it?
And I'm so glad you're happy - I hope that this happiness continues, no matter what it takes - we're all here for you!

Pasco said...

I was wondering where you went! Lovely to have you back :)

It must be nice to know that you can give up on the obsessiveness fr a while, live happily and normally, and not gain weight. As Savory said, as much as we'll all miss you, if you can get rid of useventually and be happy in the real world, more power to you!

xx

robin. said...

I missed reading your blog! I'm glad you're back.

Minaralou said...

Enjoy these wonderful moments in your life and don't feel too guilty, we still love you =)

PS: I can't read Tulip's blog either :( maybe something has happened..hope nothing serious...:S

Lulu said...

I often wonder about how much worse off we'd all be if we couldnt come and confess our deepest darkest in complete anonymity, knowing we'll receive nothing but support and love in return. WAY better than therapy.

I'm glad you're back but also gladder to hear you've been happy in the meantime. I hope you find a happy medium soon, and in the meantime we're all happy to have you here!

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