I Am A Giant Cow

That is why I will work my entire life to become thin again

I'll do better tomorrow 6:01 PM

Binged again when I got home tonight, I'm not even going to count my calories (yeah right) but I think it is around 1500 for the day. SICK. I'm fasting during the day tomorrow, I'm only allowing myself to have a Kombucha, and I'm going to work out for two hours - before work and on my lunch hour. I'm having dinner with the bf tomorrow night but thankfully we're just having fish and asparagus, then I'll fast the next day too. It has been probably 3 months since I've had this much to eat in a day and I'm really disgusted with myself.

I really need to figure out why I binged today - I am sick and I had some Nyquil last night, this morning I was still a little loopy, so I think that influenced me to eat that stupid first cupcake, then it was all downhill from there. I can proudly say I didn't purge, although I really really really wanted to. All I can hope is that this will somehow trick my metabolism so all won't be lost. I'm sorry for all of the random blogs today, but I was trying to talk myself through it hoping that if I started writing stuff down that I would stop the vicious cycle...no such luck. I think I just need someone to insult me when I'm like that - someone to just say - "what the hell are you doing fatass" If I get cravings to binge again, please anyone just call me a fatass like I am.

2 comments:

Pasco said...

Bad days happen. I had a killer on Sunday! I think though that the more you angst over them the more likely you are to get in a vicious cycle of binging.

I know it all sounds too easy and oversimplified, but if you can accept that you're having a big eating day and try to enjoy and savour the foods you do eat, it's easier to calmly reign yourself in the next day. Otherwise there's just more pressure and guilt and you end up cracking and binging.

Don't beat yourself up too much, one day WON'T make a difference and tomorrow will be shiny and new :)

MyNameIsMellon said...

Heh. Yeah, I took two sleeping pills last night and I am beyond disoriented. Whatev. Hehe But if you have a cold, you need to keep your systems up anyway in order to get rid of it, so don't feel bad about the binge, k?

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