I Am A Giant Cow

That is why I will work my entire life to become thin again

I can't believe I'm fasting! 6:30 AM

So, I tried fasting once about a year ago and almost fainted but that was when I was eating semi-normally. This time around is totally different. It is like I weened myself off food. So the day before yesterday I fasted all day - but then had to go to the boyfriend's house for dinner, had a little bread and cheese and sweet potato and we had fish also, but I didn't like it, so I'd say I had maybe 3 or 400 cals that day. Then yesterday I fasted all day...nothing but water and half a bottle of kombucha. The best part is - I was able to function all day! See, I live in the city so I have to walk to the bus, walk to the train, walk up stairs to the train, walk to work after I get off the train...then repeat it all on the way home...you get the picture, have to be somewhat active. During work, I just basically sit on my ass all day, so that's not a big deal. So I'm proud to say that I have not eaten a morsel in 42 hours...I'm not sure how long I will take it today, I'm going out tonight so I don't want to get plastered from one drink. I'm planning on having an apple sometime today and then probably eat something for dinner, not sure what yet.

I felt so horribly guilty after the day I binged, I ate cupcakes!! cupcakes!! So, this is my punishment, so the scale is down to 120.4 but I know most of that will just come back when I start *eating* again, but I'm hoping it doesn't. I have to go to my parent's house this weekend, so I know I'll be eating a ton. I haven't seen some of my family in a while so they're all going to be talking about how skinny I am and watching my every step with food making sure I don't have a problem. Ugh. Plus, there will be tons of candy around, I'll just have to make sure to seem totally normal about food...which is hard.

I should just wear baggy clothes to deceive them, but I want them to see how much weight I have lost...is that weird?


Jenna said...

Good job on the fasting-- how long are you planning to go for?

And I don't think its weird at all to want others to see how skinny you are. Validation is so thrilling!

Rachel said...

WOW, I can't believe you haven't eaten anything for 42 hours... that is awesome. Remember 3500 calories = 1 pound so as long as you don't eat more than that for the day you won't gain.

Good Luck

Pasco said...

It's that awful toss up between wanting people to see how screwed up you are but not wanting them to stop you!

em said...

"but i want them to see how much weight i lost..." ah, i was thinking this exact thought today when i decided to go home for the holiday on a whim last night... i'm wearing baggy clothes to hide it, because i want to continue my regime, but part of me just wants them to see how much i've changed so badly. it's really a curious thing. i totally feel you here.

Maggie said...

wearing baggy clothes could just make it more obvious. I think baggy clothes make people look thinner =) plus, if you want to lose more weight then they should see your body now - otherwise they'll be really shocked the next time they see you and conclude that you have a prob. ...if i were you i'd just wear something that makes you look really nice ~ pick a colour that suits you, put on a bit of natural makeup (add a tiny bit of blusher) so you look healthy and radiant.

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